I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
