Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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