yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
