why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
