I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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