so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
