Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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