I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
