You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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