Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
