Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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