I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
