I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
