She's like a pop up book from hell.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
