help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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