I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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