bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
