Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
