She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
