Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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