He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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