he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
