For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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