Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
