Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
