he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
