I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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