my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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