The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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