how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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