so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
