Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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