Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
