i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
