Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
