you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
