i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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