apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
