I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
