how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
