Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My dick has a subreddit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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