I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
