I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
