You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
