did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm eating all of the evidence.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
