Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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