He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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