ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
