I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
can u get pink eye on your cock?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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