Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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