I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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