Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
