I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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