She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
